I’ve found the past few weeks hard to fill in the gaps where i would have been texting you, or talking to you, or skyping you. Not that i realised at the time but quite a few things changed when you came into my life. I changed things for the way i felt for you, speaking to you everyday is what made me smile and made me happy. Counting down the days until i got to see you for such precious time. Not even to mention how amazing it was when i finally did get to see you. And now i feel pretty lost, to think that the time you spent texting me is time you might now be spending texting someone new; someone that’s not me. It feels wierd to think that i could possibly never see you again? I know it was always hard to deal with the distance of things, but i thought it would be me that broke first and not you. I wish you told me everything that was going on in your head, every feeling and thought, instead it just wasted away. I remember you saying : ‘never let me lose you again’ but now I’m the one that has lost you, and its effected me way more than i thought it would; the worst feeling is wanting someone who no longer wants you back. I see everyone around me getting into something new with a guy, and i feel like that is everything i am losing. I don’t know why, but being at uni seems to make any little thing 10X harder. Not having your family there, you substitute them for one person in particular, someone that becomes your rock. Now i don’t have that i feel so lonely. This is the last time i’m going to let myself rant and overthink it all; hence why its was so long.
so i was feeling a bit down earlier, and went to frankie and Benny’s with a guy of my course, we came back to mine and chilled in my room with my two York girls and had the funniest conversations ever, about silly pointless crap. Ah it’s made me so happy and chirpy!!
just had a lovely warm shower (well as lovely as a uni shower can get..) going to hop into bed and pop the OC on. im pretty happy right now, even though i lack in the guy department terribly right now, and adjusting to unexpected changes is hard, I’m just focusing on having a laugh with my friends. Got a hectic couple of weeks coming up for my course at uni so i’m going to ban myself from going out (maybe also because i have zero money!) and relax as much as i can! oh and my ear piercing is pissing me off beyond belief! haha. Love and kisses - me!